"After you have suffered for a little while"

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10

"May your whole life be so settled and established that all the blasts of hell and all the storms of earth will never be able to to remove you. But notice how this blessing of being 'established in your faith' ...(Colossians 2:7) is gained. The apostle's words point us to suffering as the means employed: 'After you have suffered for a little while.' It is of no use to hope that we will be well rooted if no rough winds pass over us. All those old gnarlings on the root of the oak tree and those strange twistings of the branches tell of the many storms that have swept over it, and they are also indicators of the depth into which the roots have forced their way. So the Christian is made strong and firmly rooted by all the trials and storms of life. Do not shrink, then, from the tempestuous winds of trial, but take comfort, believing that by their rough discipline God is fulfilling this benediction to you." ~ Charles Spurgeon

 

 

A friend had posted this today.....it's a deep word.  Not a word you will hear preached too much from America's pulpits....it actually brings me to tears. 

 

I want my life to be established and grounded in God no matter what...but it is hard.  There are days when I feel like the winds will blow me over.  There are days when I just think I can't make another day or hour....  I want to give up.   But I keep on going. 

 

Maybe you don't understand why I grieve so deeply about Selah....it's for the dreams lost.  It's for the little girl who'd lived her life in orphanages and mental institutions and who FINALLY had a family who loved her and took her places and just made her a little princess.... for 13 weeks....then the accident happened.  Now she is still loved and taken care of but she can't enjoy the things she enjoyed before .  She can't play in her little princess car, she doesn't notice the pretty clothes, she deals with medical things on a daily basis....  I  grieve for the things she lost, the things she never got to do, the advancements she never made, the words she never said....  Yes she was delayed but we had so many hopes for her, dreams for her.  Our pediatrician felt she might make it to the point of being able to work one day, having some independence.  I grieve for that loss....I grieve it so deeply, some days it overwhelms my heart.  Today is one of those days.  Just typing this makes me weep.  

 

So in dealing with the grief I'm having to learn to trust God deeper than ever in my life.  It is not easy.  As I've worked through the various stages of grief, I can look back and be grateful for the initial stage of shock or denial.  It's not that I didn't' think it was all happening, it just could not all be taken in at once... since we were not home, that stage lasted for awhile.  Everything seemed so unreal and impossible, it couldn't' be happening to US! 

 

Being home, LIVING it out day to day, waking up and knowing Selah is the same is so very hard.  Dealing with the various ramifications, all the doctors, therapists, nurses, insurances......it is not easy.   I worry the most about Selah, we try and keep her comfortable, content and happy.  Thankfully we can tell when she is upset and we respond quickly.  Selah was not an adventurous child at all and that does comfort me some.  Although we were working with her, she was not like Sarah who wants to go and push herself, Selah was didn't even want to walk although she physically could walk.  She rather scoot on the ground.  We hoped with time and therapy she'd develop more and I'm sure she would have.  Sometimes I do think she is happy for the most part but sometimes I think she can't be happy like this. 

 

I can handle this, personally but what breaks my heart is the worry for Selah and how she feels.  It's an big worry for me.   So I never want to turn the accident into some thing that is about ME but I can not help my response to it because it has now become my life.  It's changed everything.....everything....in ways I can't even express. 

 

All I can say is please pray.  I pray that we are delivered from this storm for all our sakes.  And by delivered, I pray that Selah is healed....

 

Having to have to deal with Sam's blindness'prematurity'delayes....I learned about trusting God in a deep way.  But that was easier for me to accept than Selah's accident has been.  I guess because that was just who Sam was....  This is not how Selah was,,,,  I know what I'm missing out on... and what she is missing.....

 

One of my readers said how she likes the  Psalms because David (the one who wrote most of them) wrote them honestly.  They were his "my real life by David" blog:)   If you read them, he sounds a bit bi-polar LOL....  Up and down...trusting and doubting...fearing and having faith.....Running from God and running to God and that would be all in the same psalm/ blog!   He sounds a lot like me!  I'm thankful that they were included in scripture.  He was honest, he was open in his writings.  Often he was raw.... that is how I am feeling today, just raw in my heart. 

 

Life just seems so hard, not just for us, but we have friends going through so many different sad things.  One dear friend just got diagnosed with leukemia....please pray for him.  He is a very special man to our family. 

 

Days like today I can only turn to eternal truths and look forward, otherwise I will have to hop in my van and run away.....