Monday, June 1, 2015

More on the Duggars

One of my readers sent the full police report in a format that I could open.  Obviously I had some misinformation but most folks who responded did also.  My misinformation was only WHEN did the family go to the police.  I thought they'd gone to the one man and it generated the police report.  That was not true.  The police were called in after a report was made to Children & Families.  I don't like to give out misinformation.  Sorry.

Also my husband never experienced any child trying to touch him, I got a story that happened to his close friend mixed up, and thought it happened to Jon!  But Jon did listen to his friend about another boy and they never hung around the other kid again.  His friend's situation made such an impression on Jon that he was wary of other kids.

The first thing that struck me reading the police report was that I was reading the police report!  Basically as a juvenile  probation officer or supervisor I would have been fired and possibly criminally charged if I would have ever revealed a police report on a juvenile!!!!!  I can't get passed the fact that the police chief, who is retiring, released this!  In my opinion she should be fired and stripped of her retirement.  Whether we like it or not, juvenile records are not for public consumption.  How very unprofessional.  Obviously there was a bias, even a hatred against the Duggar family for someone to do that. 

Reading the police report was ugly and sad for all.   But some good signs I saw in it was that the family did deal with the situation.  They had two family meetings where Josh's sin/misbehavior was discussed.  That makes me feel that they addressed it within the family, let the kids know it was wrong, probably asked everyone if he'd done anything to anyone else and warned the children.  I can't help but think that THIS incident might be the reason all the girls sleep together and all the boys sleep together so there is accountability.       

The family contacted the family of the other victim and told them what had happened.  They did not hide the truth.

The family did go to a cop, maybe he wasn't the best choice but at the time, they did do something.

They also sent Josh away- for work and some spiritual counseling. 

Was it enough?  Well.....there is no proof that anything else happened after that time.  No matter what anyone says, there is no discussion of him doing anything after he was 14 years old. 

Would I have handled it differently? Probably.  But to be quite honest, they handled it better than most families I've dealt with who have had this issue. 

Do I think this act of a 14 year old should ruin his life?  NO!

Do I think the media and others really care about the victims? NO  I think there are way too many people, Christians included who enjoy the fact this has happened and I find that rather sick!

Does it make me more cautious with my own kids? YES!  I don't ' ever want anything to happen to my kids! 

So what can we learn from this?  I think to be more open and direct with our children.  Let them know what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and not just from other people TO them but also where the limits are for their behavior.  I'm good about telling my kids NOT to let someone touch them, but I also need to tell them to be careful how they are acting around other kids.  As Steve has gotten older, we certainly have told him to avoid the very appearance of wrong doing.   Now we've had a discussion like that with Shad.  Always before our discussions were based on fear of something happening to him, this time, it was to redefine acceptable behavior, even if he is curious. 

I don't think any one thing "caused" this to happen in Josh's life.  I've seen things like this in Christian and non Christian homes, blacks, whites, Hispanics, Asians etc....good homes/bad homes, strict homes, permissive homes.... it happens in every culture.....  

Personally, I don't like how the Duggars addressed sex with their kids but that's just my opinion.  We've always been completely honest with our boys and answered every question they've had.  But we also have not gone overboard and given them info that maybe at a younger age they were not even thinking about.   We've not tried to heap guilt on them and have tried to make them understand that sex is just a part of life but that the Bible gives us guidelines on how to deal with it.  My family gave me NO sex education but that's ok my friends told me all about it LOL. The very little my aunts told me, was all totally negative.   Jon had little guidance in that area also  He has a really funny story but I'll let him tell it one day! 

So this is the end of my discussion about the Duggars unless something major comes out.  I wish them well and hope that everyone recovers from this situation.  The parents are going to be on Megyen Kelly- fox news Wednesday night to tell their side of the story.  It should be interesting.  I watch Megyen Kelly ALL the time and love her.  We were on her show some years ago when we had bank robbers living next door to us.....LOL  I've watched her ever since. 

1 comment:

  1. What I think is terrible is everybody judging them like they are. Which they (we) have no right to do. At least not until they (we) have walked in their shoes. No one knows them or what they are going through. Let's have some civility here, for heaven's sake.