Tuesday, May 26, 2015
So the Duggar sex scandal saga continues on.....
Since this blew up over the weekend, I was determined not to discuss it when I had my family to focus on but since it is still rolling, I will give my two cents. It's like armpits, everyone has their opinions and most stink!
So Josh Duggar did some type of touching of some of his sisters and maybe someone from outside the family when he was 12-14 years old. OMG how did he escape the death penalty?
I don't want to make light of what he did. It was a sin, it was wrong and I'm sorry that any girl had to experience it. We don't know the actual details. The copy of the police report I saw did not have details, I've heard that he may have touched a girl in her sleep but that's just something I read in a news article, not seen proof of it. We don't know if in some of the cases there was mutual exploration going on and him being the boy and the oldest was the one blamed. We don't know and frankly it's none of our business.
First let me say in the USA we have a JUVENILE system because we realize a 13 year old will not have the maturity or self control to make a decision as if he/she were 43 years old..... we realize that juveniles are not fully mature in their mental reasoning abilities. So while a juvenile may be punished for a crime, it most likely does not carry the ramifications of an adult's sentencing. And I can positively guarantee that Josh Duggar did not meet the criteria for being labeled a pedophile in any of our 50 states no matter what idiot on the web is calling him.
For over 13 years I worked within the juvenile justice system in Florida as a caseworker, then a probation officer and then a supervisor of all committed cases. For over three years as a supervisor my unit had the majority of all sexual cases in our county. I took classes to learn about sex offenders, one class made me so sick I had to go outside and throw up. I started on my Master's in Criminal Justice....so I know a little about what I'm talking about.
In Florida during the time I worked for DJJ, Duggar's case would have probably only been given probation, consisting of community hours and counseling. I can't say for sure that would have been the outcome but since there was no clothes off or penetration that we know of, the State's Attorney would probably not gone after him for a harsh sentence. I can only compare it to cases that I've personally been involved with and I can say for a certainty that that's about all that would have happened to him.
Well I'll be darned....that's exactly what happened to him in Arkansas too. His family sent him away to do manual labor with a friend who may have also been counseling him. A lot of rehab programs have a core of manual labor involved in them. We have a relative who is in a drug rehab program and he works on a farm during the day and goes to counseling and classes at night in the program.
I don't' get the big outcry from the media and all these "caring folks" The boy was caught and confessed to his family. They removed him from the home, and went to the police. The family can not help the fact that the police did nothing. They probably did not know what to expect but for God's sake they took him to the police station and did a police report! People can always second guess what they would have done in the situation but probably most folks would have done far less! And why do I say that.......just stories I know of things that have happened to myself and friends.
So over the past few days I've had several conversations about this situation. Some of my friends gave me examples of things that happened to them when they were younger. Inappropriate things happened to a lot of us. My husband and I both had other children who tried to touch us, neither of us told on the kids but we both avoided them from then on. One of the kids who attempted to touch me was two years younger but much more mature in that area than me. Another friend had an older brother's friend who exposed himself to her and had her touch him. I had another friend tell me that she and some of the neighborhood boys used to play "doctor" , most of the kids were older than she was. It happens. It happens to families who go to church and who don't go to church. That doesn't make it right, but we need to look at it realistically.
At 12-14 kids are going through puberty, anything sexual is exciting and they want to know all about it. And yes some kids do things that are just plain out wrong. But their lives should not be forever ruined because of it!
Now I'm not a big Duggar fan. In fact I've been told I'm quite mean about that family. I don't like how they portray Christianity with all their man made legalistic rules. I was raised with a lot of rules and broke away from that. I really do not like the patriarchal leadership- where the woman is expected to marry young after "courting" , have little education, use no birth control, have tons of children, at home, not allowed to work a real job, have to have long hair and wear a dress....etc..... I HATE all of that nonsense.
However having said all of that, I do believe they try and serve God and do what they feel is right. I feel the parents dealt with this over 12 years ago and it should not have been brought up again! In fact I feel that whoever leaked this to the media should be fired if they work for the government and should be sued. Like it or not, juvenile records are sealed.
I just hate the hypocrisy of all the media frenzy and the people who jump in and say absolutely stupid things. My favorite is "well they are just hypocrites- look at them going to church and their son touched girls" OMG what does that have to do with the price of tea in China? So if I live as a Christian, I am then condemned if one of my kids does something wrong????
I hate to tell you but the majority of folks reading this blog right now have some type of "sex offender" in their family. Maybe not in their home, but an uncle or a cousin or someone that everyone stays away from because you've heart things about him. I had a great uncle that touched me quite inappropriately when I was a young teen. He only did it once because I stayed the heck away from him from then on out! I told a few family members once I was in college and they were like "yeah he is like that" What the HECK? Why didn't someone tell me as a young girl?
And don't think it just happens in the south.....I have had people tell me things like that from every walk of life.
With our boys, I've never worried about "stranger danger" too much. But I've worried about the people they come in contact with day to day. Jon and I both had people do things or try to do things to us we did not want them to do but we knew the people. Most of the sex offender cases I saw over my 13 years dealt with people who knew each other, not the dreaded man in the ice cream truck grabbing a kid. We've always taught our boys that no one should touch them where their bathing suits go. We explained that to them when they were really young in a easy way for them to understand, because there is nothing wrong with a pat on the back from someone, but a pat on the bottom would not be good. Over the years, I've asked them each questions to make sure nothing happened when they were at other people's houses. And we've always told them they can tell us things and we will not get mad at them.
With our "little ones' we can't teach them things like that so we keep them close to us. We now have a babysitter but this is the first time ever we've had one. Over the years we've left Sam a handful of times for a few hours at the most with people we totally trusted.
When we got the girls home from Ukraine, we had our doctor check them for any signs of sexual abuse and he saw none. We were not as worried about Shad since there were only female nannies and all the children in his area were young. With the girls, there were older teen boys in the same room as Sarah so that scared me to death. Obviously they were handicapped but one boy was often nude and was fully mature. I worried that he might abuse Sarah. The doctor saw no signs of trauma and neither girl acted afraid of being touched or bathed.
I've chosen not to have male nurses with Selah because I just do not want that issue. she is maturing and I'd rather a woman take care of her. I know people will say that women can be sexual abusers too but it is so rare compared to males.
Anyhow.....I think this whole hoopla is just that...a big hoopla. IF Josh Duggar was continuing in his sin then expose him and send him straight to prison. But I do not believe that is the case. I believe he repented and learned self control. He was honest with his now wife Anna when they were "dating" and told her and her family about this so they'd know. How hard that must have been for him to do but it's so freeing for him to do that. He shouldn't have lost his job over this. That's ridicules. It's not like he was working as a nursery school teacher and there was some concern from parents. He was working some type of lobbying job, I think children were safe from him.
The world is going to act absolutely nutso stupid if anyone that claims the name of Jesus is found not to be as perfect as He is..... but that is just it, no one is perfect.
I bet NO ONE reading this would like everyone to know everything they've ever done, even while they were a child. I know I sure ain't going to be sharing all with ya! For the record, I've never molested any child. But there are other things I'd be quite embarrassed about if ALL of my past came out. Maybe it's stuff that wouldn't embarrass you but it sure would ME!
But as a Christian, I've taken all my sins to the cross, I've asked God for forgiveness and I've made it right with any people I've offended by my sins. None of my sins were crimes but you might be shocked at them as I might be shocked at yours.
So I've read some comments to some online articles about the Duggars and I think some folks would like to see Josh Duggar locked up for life, sent to the electric chair along with his family. It's crazy!
What else I've found that makes me laugh a little is a few folks who were big Duggar fans and now they are up in arms calling for his head. I think it is funny that I'm somewhat defending him and I don't' even like him! LOL Some folks go with whatever people around them say without thinking things through for themselves.
Bottom line, I think his family dealt with this a long time ago and it's beyond old news. he was open with the people who needed to know, and none of us needed to know about it. He has gone on to make the right choices in life as far as we know. Leave him alone and in leaving him alone, the victims are also left alone. The victims who seem to have forgive him also.
Now I'll sit back and get all the comments about how hyprocritical I am for defending him and how he needs to have the death penalty etc etc etc......