Sweet girl Selah Johannah

 

 

Selah is sleeping peacefully tonight.  I just have to update about her arms/hands and my concern that maybe dropping one of her Valium doses was making her stiff.  Right before her 9pm Valium dose she was as relaxed as she could possibly be and her nurse, our dear Lindsey, said it would seem that if she was having issues from the decrease of Valium, it would show up when it was the lowest in her body.  So now I'm not so worried about the stiffness in her arms.  It seems to be more of a reaction to her day along with the fact she tended to carry herself stiffly before the accident! 

 

I read over some of the blog posts from the accident.  I could only get through about four and then had to stop.  It was too intense for me to remember....what an awful time BUT thank you all who wrote on my blog!  I have to admit at the time I was beyond overwhelmed by phone calls, texts, visits, emails, FB messages, and I just skimmed through the comments as I moderated them.  Looking back there were so many sweet messages!  Thank you all I'm glad I can look at them now!

 

I know I missed some messages from those days and I still have about 200 friend requests to look at on FB.  I don't usually add someone unless I know them in real life.  But I do appreciate how everyone reached out to us!  WOW, please know that it meant so much to us to be wrapped in love and each message was like a soft blanket wrapping around our hearts. 

 

I found it very hard to talk on the phone and wouldn't even touch it if it rang unless it was my husband or son.  It's like I had a phobia.  I still find it taxing to talk on the phone.  LOL  when I was a teenager I lived on the phone!  I've gotten away from talking on the phone over the years and now it's hard for me for very long.  Who would have ever thought that?  What a time those first few weeks was!  Thank God for his Grace and you all for your love!

 

Tonight because I was worried I couldn't leave even after she was asleep so I've been thinking about everything

When we were thinking of names for Selah, we of course was going to keep it a "S" name to match all the other kids.  Also all our kids have a "J" name for their middle name so we had to have two girl's names that sounded good together.   We only wanted to use a bible name and we didn't like any of the names we could think of...then we thought of the group Selah, a christian group. so we tried it out and liked it.  We actually had no idea anyone had used it for a name before but since we have heard of a few girls with that name.  Selah is used in the Psalms, it is usually used after a portion of scripture.  It is believed to mean "to pause & reflect on what was said or on the goodness of God"  Just as Sarah Joy was named correctly for all the joy she has, Selah was named correctly for how her life has caused us to pause and reflect on God!  Selah's middle name is Johannah.  She is somewhat named after Jon's mom Joanna but with a little difference to it.  I've always loved the story of Hannah in the bible who prays and God gives her a child, Samuel, so we combined Joanna with Hannah and loved the name for what it meant to us.  We actually pronounce Selah as "SAY`La"  there was a bit of controversy over the pronunciation!  LOL  Jon won, he says it is how to pronounce it in Hebrew....who knows....that word has always been debated in its' meaning and pronunciation!

 

We always took very serious naming our kids.  Each name meant something special to us and all of the children's first and middle names are from the bible.  Stephen Joseph, named after the first martyr and the father of Jesus as well as it is Jon's dad's name too-Joe!  Samuel Jonathan named after the prophet Samuel and Jonathan after his dad.  Shadrach James my FAVORITE bible story of the 3 Hebrew children and James after my husband's best friend who happens to also be his brother!  Sarah Joy, Love the name Sarah, the wife of Abraham and LOVE the name JOY!   So names are very important to us.  And yes we have a few names waiting.....who knows what God has in store for us?  

 

So we didn't know we were going to adopt Selah until about a month before we left for Ukraine.  We were originally planning on adopting a little blind boy.  He got adopted by another family and we were given Selah's picture and info.  I can remember when I first saw her picture, I thought she was a cutie, even in old clothes.  We grew to love her so quickly and wanted to protect her and give her a family.  When the accident first happened, I thought if we hadn't adopted her, she'd have never gone through all of this and that thought just tormented my mind.  But then I was able to focus on the weeks we had had to give her love and show her what a family was....now in spite of all she has gone through I know it was the best thing for her to have a family. 

 

 An accident or sudden illness can happen to anyone at anytime....I'm so glad she has our love and will never be alone no matter what lies ahead for her or for us.  She is a special little girl, everyone who works with her just falls in love with her and her story.  We will never know all that she has endured in her short life, but I am sure it is much worse than most of you who are reading this have ever endured.  Knowing just a part of it, is hard for me to think about....  but God never forgot this little girl forgotten by the world.  She was not listed on any ministry sites, no one knew she existed, but God did....and He arranged things or allowed things to happen in such a way that she came to our family.  My theology usually looks at things as they just happened, God knows but He chooses not to intervene..., the will of man  ( I am quite the armenist)  BUT when it comes to orphans, I  can promise you the God of this Universe seems to intervene in miraculous ways...  I believe God brought us this little girl.  Even though the path ahead was rocky, He brought this little funny,, very different person into our lives.  And we are grateful....

 

Selah has caused me to cry more tears than I think I ever shed in my life.  Her medical situation caused my heart to feel broken in two but I wouldn't trade her, even knowing this was to come, for anything!  I marvel at who she is and how this little unknown orphan girl has changed my life, my family and the thousands who have come to hear her story.  She was only unknown to the world, never to God.