We went to get the kids' flu shots today. It was an interesting day......
We first went out to eat, I always ask for a quiet corner and they took us to one. As we sat everyone down, I noticed a child from another table turn and stare. The child then turned his body around so he could sit and watch my kids. This went on for about 5 minutes and finally I spoke to the "mother" or whoever he was with and nicely & quietly asked her to have him turn around and not stare at my little ones. She decided to tell me her child had a right to look at who ever and he was just a baby...he was not a baby and understood perfectly and to his credit turned his body around and never looked back. So the mom decided to call the manager over, who was supportive of us (the woman asked that we be told to leave the restaurant according to my son who could hear it) That group soon left and took their food with them. We however enjoyed our meal.
Hopefully that child learned today that people do not like to be stared at. Just for the record, if you are out somewhere and see a disabled person, don't stare, they are not a sideshow at the circus and you are not paying money to watch them live their life. Thankfully my little ones don't understand things but I do....and I will not tolerate it. When Sam was little, I didn't know how to handle it and sometimes was waaaaaaaayyyyyyy too nice. Those days are so very forever gone! Some folks have suggested I should use times like that as a "teaching moment". Well I did, but my way of teaching is kinda rough!
Parents teach your children how to be kind to others and polite. I was raised in a small town in the deep south with no political correctness whatsoever and YET, I knew not to stare at someone who was "different" I'd never been around any disabled people other than one boy with Down's at my church and Jon's uncle in a wheelchair... but yet I had enough sense not to be nosy and stare at people out in public. And let me tell you, the ONE time Steve (when he was young) mentioned something about someone in a store who was very overweight, he got in trouble and I talked to him about being compassionate and not to stare at people. I told him to smile in a friendly way and look away from the person so they didn't feel put on the spot.
People are very curious and feel they have some sort of right to have that need met......I do not understand that. And I'm not here to meet that need for them.
I think manners are a thing of the past......the society we live in today is just so far from even what I was brought up in. Now granted I was confrontational, but I started our easy and gentle. If anyone EVER had to say something to me about one of my kids like that, I would have been apologizing AND telling the other family that I would be dealing with it when we got home!!!! I can not imagine.....I have NEVER had anyone come to me about any of my children doing something like that! Kids are kids but ....... but a parent should deal with it not excuse it!!!!
So after our little adventure we went to get the shots. For the first time Sam absolutely KNEW what the nurse was doing and tried to scoot away from her. He looked at the tray and the shot and started whimpering!!! This sounds crazy but I was so happy he understood! The nurse "got it " too and we were laughing and really rejoicing at his level of understanding. He was NOT laughing but he got over it quickly. So he SAW the shot on the tray AND he remembered/understood what that was..... I loved it!
Sarah fought us like crazy! She had some boosters to get too so she ended up with three shots and was not happy with us either!
We came home and I gave Steve his first driving lesson. We started on a country road near our house, then ventured onto a state road and drove into town. He drove all over town, then got on the main road, drove up the 4 lane and did a big circle back to our house. He really did good. All those stinky years of video games may have actually paid off!!!!! When he was on the narrow country road, he did tend to stay too close to the edge and I was fearful of knocking out some mailboxes LOL but honestly he did great, he had never drove before except to move the car on our property. I was impressed, but I have to admit my right foot almost put a hole through the floorboard and I clutched the door handle the whole hour he drove LOL
We are finally fully staffed with nurses!!!!! We have a new (to us) nurse starting tonight but she has years of nursing experience and training! We are so happy with the staff we have working with Selah. I truly believe the wonderful care she gets from our nurses is what has helped her to do so good in so many areas! We have 4 nurses to make up the 24/7 nursing. They all are different but they are united in taking care of Selah. They are all pleasant and truly it is not hard to have them in our home. They have become a part of our family. We all joke together and get along fine. My other kids all like all of them. The four we have are very professional and trained and we feel totally blessed with them.
It took us awhile to get a good staff together but it's worth it now to have people that we trust 100% with our daughter. We had some "experiences" in the beginning but we got through that and we are so very happy with the folks who work with Selah. They each have strengths that help her in different ways. We are blessed.....now as one friend prayed..."Thank you God for the nurses, now please heal Selah so they can find other jobs" LOL And we have talked about that, all our nurses understand our faith, some share it and all want to see Selah healed!!!!
Hope you all have a great weekend, thanks for your prayers for Selah!
"Our life maybe a crazy life but it's our life" I'm married to a pastor of a small rural church, who is also the prison chaplain. We have 5 kids, each with their unique story. I love gardening & we all love the outdoors. Our life is not the way we planned it to be, but we are learning to trust God in every area. Come and read about our life as we live it to the fullest!
I never allowed my kids to stare. Many times though they'd have questions for me. I tried to get them to wait to ask until later but I'm sure they were heard by the persons at times. I think it's unavoidable to have to teach kids, so some inappropriate behavior might be evident when they are young. I'd guess that tone and wording would be important when talking to a parent about their child's staring and/or inappropriate comments.
ReplyDeleteI've taught my kids it's ok to notice differences but it is NOT ok to stare, or blurt out questions. They are to ask me quietly--later. But they get along with all kinds of kids/people and are more likely to smile and strike up a conversation (not about the issue, just in general).
ReplyDeleteYeah I agree, no one teaches manners anymore. But I'm proud of my kids, I can literally take them anywhere and they will behave.
Sorry that woman was so rude!
Always praying!! xo
Say what? Thanks for sharing this staring moment. I battle it weekly - how to prepare, what to have my children do. My littlest son gets stared at every where he goes. He gets embarrassed and ashamed. I get soooo angry. I too want to say things but am afraid I'll do more than talk at times. And nine times out of ten the parents have no clue their child is looking in a different direction for minutes of time. Now that he is seven I have tried to equip him with moves like waving at the staring person, smiling back and once even told him to make a funny face so the other person snaps out of it. It's hard b/c it happens when least expected - for us, it's in church, a lot. I truly can't believe that the woman not only mouthed off, didn't apologize but then tried to turn it back on you all! Hang tough Mama bear and thanks again for sharing.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are fully staffed with nurses. Yes, we hope they will need to find other work too!
ReplyDeleteWhen kids stare at Ellie, which can be pretty hard not to while she flaps and makes Ellie-sounds, I always explain that she has both Autism and Cerebral Palsy. Then I explain that it's not a sickness, they can't catch it, she got hurt being born. Usually by then either the parent has intervened and turns the kids around, or they ask me questions, or the kids ask me questions. Marty is more than happy to explain to anyone within listening distance that his big sister has differences. He says it with such love, it almost sounds like bragging! I am grateful for the opportunity to educate people, especially about CP. When Ellie was diagnosed at 18 months, I knew nothing at all about CP. I want people to know, and to know it is an injury, not an illness. I didn't know about Peter's Anomaly until I started reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to do any teaching moments when I'm living my life. I feel no need to share with anyone at all nor do I want to. I'm not grateful for someone to be staring at my little ones or asking questions. People need to learn manners!
ReplyDeleteWow, so rude. I NEVER let my kids stare. You had every right to tell them not to stare and I am so glad the staff backed you up. So thankful you now have full staff nursing. Thats so exciting and I am sure is a great blessing.
ReplyDeleteUm... from what I've read, some disabled people are far more bothered by people NOT looking at them, and would rather deal with "staring".
ReplyDeleteExpecting everyone with a disability to share the same preferences is about as unreasonable as expecting everyone WITHOUT a disability to think the same way about something.
I don't expect other disable people to necessarily think like I do, and I'm not worried about them. However I do have my opinion for my children and that is what Im focused on. Most disabled people want to be treated like everyone else and not ignored BUT certainly they do not want to be stared at like that either!!!
DeleteRe: "... Most disabled people want to be treated like everyone else..."
DeleteAgree 100%.
But part of being treated like everyone else is having other people look at you when you're out in public. And if there's anything unusual about your appearance (height, weight, being dressed up, towing a wheeled backpack) you're going to collect more of these looks. It's human nature.
Especially in the case of a small child, looking at disabled people is how he learns to incorporate them into his cognitive schemata of homo sapiens. When he's done that, he'll reduce his looking to background level of his own accord.
Teaching kids to look away not only short-circuits this process, it carries the implication there's something distasteful about disability, so it should be discreetly ignored.
Re: "...I do have my opinion for my children..."
Be honest-- if a perfect stranger in a public place had told YOU that you should correct your child when you didn't feel your child was doing anything wrong, wouldn't YOU have gotten angry? Though hopefully you wouldn't try to have them kicked out because of it. Just sayin'.
Looking away rather than staring is the most polite thing to do.
DeleteActually being raised in the south, as a child, I thought nothing of listening to other adults rather than just family. IF one of my children did something so rude that a stranger had to admonish them or me.....I'd be ashamed! And I'd deal with my child!!!! You have no idea of what you speak of.....and obviously are not in our situation.
New to commenting - I'm sorry to hear of what happened and that kids can be rude and stare. I have a visible disability myself and have been stared at and bullied, but I found that if someone was staring, it helped me to feel better to explain to them a little about me. I found that with kids, their staring equaled curiosity and unfamiliarity in which they're trying to 'figure out' inside of their heads.
ReplyDeleteAs I got older, the staring helped me to overcome some shyness and found I loved to tell and explain what it was they didn't know about. It turned the negative into a positive in that sense. But yeah, I think parents need to just be educating their children so they don't end up staring at others in curiosity!
As a curious adult, I try not to stare, but I love to research disorders and learn about them and so on, but I hope I never come across as staring/being unkind! I'm genuinely interested in what makes all sorts of people different and special in their own ways.
Blessings :)
I have started conversations when I 'm out with other parents by introducing myself and saying I have a little one or little ones with a disability. And then we start talking....that is a little different but I don't ask questions, I just share and then if the mom wants to share with me I listen.
ReplyDelete