BULLIES
Just the word looks mean doesn't it?
I was bullied as a child. I was poor, raised by my great aunts, had freckles and glasses....I was a perfect target. I was made fun of and bullied. One boy was so mean to me on our bus....but one day I'd had enough and I hit him hard with my lunch box, didn't have any other problem with him LOL. But girls were the worst.....there was this one girl who shall remain nameless....her father was a big shot in our home town and she thought she was a big shot too. She was mean to everyone. I'd dread seeing her come down the sidewalk. The funny thing, is since high school no one has ever seen her, someone told me she married and divorced, has no kids and has gain a ton of weight. She never comes back to reunions or anything.....I wish she would LOL (ok that is mean lol)
My oldest son had someone bully him in school....he ended up dealing with the boy himself.....it became a legend... he knocked him down. So I picked him up from school, he told me, I parked the car and ran in the school thinking surely he was suspended..... I talked to the principal who said "Good for Steve, the boy got what was coming to him" I was relieved .....and very glad I was dealing with a common sense principal. BTW Steve never had another problem with the boy and he eventually got expelled from the school.
The first day of kindergarten I walked Shad in and introduced him to his class. Shad's bad eye is small and I worried about someone saying something to him. And he is Chinese, not many around our small town..... Sooooo the first thing out of this little girl's mouth was "What happened to his eye?" Ok just for the record, she did not say it nicely at all.....the tone of her voice was mean. I have never wanted to slap someone's kid as much as I wanted to slap that girl. I calmly explained that he had an accident as a baby. Then I left him there and cried all the way home. When I picked him up, he told me what a GREAT day he'd had and he and that girl (he said her name) had played all day together.... and he has never had another problem at school. Granted he goes to a small Christian school but Shad is so self confident, people just are drawn to him to want to be his friend. His eye is not an issue.
So I know reading this you might think we are rather violent, I hit a boy with a lunchbox, Steve knocked a boy down....I wanted to slap a kindergarten girl..... well ...... I've never hit anyone else with a lunchbox, Steve has never hit anyone else either and that girl never got slapped LOL!
And obviously I've written on here many times of how my little ones are stared at and how people feel they can just freely ask questions of us. I do not like it and I think it is rude. Do I think it should be criminal????? NO!!!!!! But be obnoxious and I have no issue calling you out on it!
Have you heard about the case of the 12 year old who killed herself in Florida? That happened near here, where we used to live.... Here is a link where the Sheriff is debating whether or not to charge the parents of the girls who bullied her.
This is my FB post about it. (got some interesting debate going on)
http://foxnewsinsider.com/2013/10/17/should-parents-two-florida-bullies-be-charged-after-12-year-old-rebecca-sedwicks-suicide
This article said the mom did move her from one school to another.....and was proactive but yet she did not know that things were continuing.
Personally what worries me is the whole "freedom of speech" I think the girls that bullied her were absolute little stinkers ( actually I can think of other words but.....) that being said, they bullied her.... they did not kill her. She made the choice to end her life. I think a lot of folks bear some responsibility here. The girls who bullied her were awful, I would guess their parents were not overseeing them very well. I can not imagine one of my kids doing that and me not knowing about it.
One time Steve had some friends over and a girl texted one of the boys and the boy texted her back something mean like "you are a fat cow" because the girl kept texting and texting him. Now my son was not even involved and I knew about the whole thing and spoke to the boys about it and they apologized to the girl.....LOTS of drama........some of the players were big DRAMA folks...... but the point is we as parents knew what happened and made sure it didn't' happen again.
So my point is.....KNOW what your kids and their friends are doing.....
I feel like the school didn't deal with this very well...and I feel like the mother of the girl who killed herself could have been more proactive. Listen if it had been my kid and it things could not have been dealt with I would have continued to change schools, put her in a private school (there are several Christian schools in that area that have all kinds of scholarships ) homeschooled....whatever I had to do. I would have also taken away her phone and computer.
I've been cyber bullied...... Guess what I do? If they are on FB I block them, they can't see me and I can't see them. There are four people I've blocked over the years. One I knew in real life, one who said she went to college with me and two from the adoption world who are just loonies in my opinion..... So blocked the kids....
There is a blog that is devoted to being anti adoption. They have a whole big long post on us, blaming us for Selah's accident and saying basically it only happened because she was adopted (guess they forgot we had a bio son who was involved and who is only alive by the grace of God as he was also gone when pulled from the water) I read it ONCE and I did comment and put my blog on here so people who read it could see for themselves the truth about our lives. PLEASE do not go looking for it, only because I absolutely HATE for them to get any publicity whatsoever..... So it can't get much worse than someone saying you wanted your child dead....... So what do I do???? I consulted with a lawyer and an FBI agent, they watch the site IF it ever got to the point that there was slander, I would sue them. But they are wimps and don't even put their names up.....let me tell you if I have something to say about someone, you will see my name on it! Other than the first time I read it, it does not bother me at all. Why should it? I know the truth and everyone in our lives knows the truth..... so I ignore it.
I have a few more weird than nasty remarks that come up on my blog, I just delete them and don't publish them. But I rarely have mean remarks, usually I have very sweet remarks on my blog.
When we are in the news, and the news is online and has a comment section, I do not read it. I'll have a friend who will tell me something that is written and I just tell them I don't' read the comments. Why should I? Some are great and some are usually not so great. I think the people who make comments on news article tend to forget they are talking about real people......
So that all being said, cyber bulling is not physically harmful and you have to go and look for it and you can block the bullies out of your life......
I'm very sorry this little girl died.....she must have been very sad and I'm sorry for the mom too. It was all awful, but I doubt that cyber bulling was the only bad thing going on in her life. I'm sure there were other factors going on in her life.......
The girls who bullied her and the parents should be ashamed of themselves. One girl is being very nasty and the other one is being repentant. One set of parents is sorry, one set is as defiant as their daughter.... and the sheriff talks about that....
It seems to me the girls were charged BECUASE one of them wrote on FB that she had bullied the girl and didn't' care that she had died. Ok that is nasty.....but is it criminal????????
There is still freedom of speech. I may not like what you say, but you still should have the right to say it.... I'm surprised that we don't have tons of lawyers defending these girls....
We don't for one reason, now it is politically correct to be against bullying. ( I'm against it too don't' get me wrong)
But I think this goes deeper. I think that making and enforcing laws like this, is the beginning of such Politically Correctness PC like we've never seen.
I think it will (and is in some places) even getting to the point that a minister can not say that a specific sin is wrong because it will offend someone. It will all become a hate crime.
I am so not into calling anyone names, and I am so not into being mean to someone regardless of what their life choices are.....
But I can see how this all can play out.
I like Sheriff Grady Judd, I knew him before he was sheriff, we were on some task forces together and I like him. I voted for him when we lived in Polk county and would vote for him again, however he does seem to like to play towards the cameras and has become quite famous. There is a joke, "where is the most dangerous place to be in Polk county? the answer "Between Grady Judd and a camera" LOL He is famous for some of his statements like the one time one of his deputies was killed by a convict and the entire sheriff's force went after the guy. When they found him, the guy was shot 68 times. When asked WHY he was shot 68 times Grady Judd said "because my deputies ran out of bullets" That is classic GJ......One time we were up in NY and saw him on national news as he was tracking down kiddie porn offenders.... My point is, he tends to go for the cases that get a lot of attention. I don't know charging these girls, is really the right or legal thing to do. Now I'm not a lawyer and I've been out of the criminal justice system for almost 10 years so I don't know the laws about bullying and certainly don't know about cyber bullying laws either. But I do think this is taking things to the extreme.
I'll probably get slammed for my opinion on here.....but I just think sometimes you need to use common sense. And I feel that is lacking here......
AND I have a question....WHY did they link her suicide to the bullying? Was it just based on the mom's statement or did she leave a note? To me that would matter and I have not seen anything that has told me that she left a note.....I may have just missed it, I haven't followed this too much on the news.
"Our life maybe a crazy life but it's our life" I'm married to a pastor of a small rural church, who is also the prison chaplain. We have 5 kids, each with their unique story. I love gardening & we all love the outdoors. Our life is not the way we planned it to be, but we are learning to trust God in every area. Come and read about our life as we live it to the fullest!
Generally I agree with you - but in the case of school bullies, not every parent can homeschool or afford private education - yet all children are mandated to be in school. I do believe children have a right to be protected by adults from bullying, just as they are protected in the adult work force from sexual and other harassment.
ReplyDeleteAs always enjoy your posts and praying for the littles, esp. Selah!
I put in the private school since I know the area and know there are several private schools that accept McKay Scholarships and Step Up for Students Florida scholarships. It could have been an option for them. Just an idea....... thanks for your prayers.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same exact way you do and yes, we are probably in the minority. I think we have all been bullied at some point in our lives and it is up to us how we deal with it. I was made fun of constantly as a young child because I had to wear a lift on one of my shoes. Did it hurt my feelings? Yes. Did I ever even for one second consider suicide? No. What it did instead was make me a stronger and more compassionate person. Like you I also don't like that people feel they have the right to question you about your children's medical conditions. If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me "What happened to your leg?" I'd be loaded. I know it doesn't bother some but it always infuriated me no matter how it was asked. Bullying is wrong 100% of the time but I don't think others should be charged criminally if someone commits suicide, they did that to themselves.
ReplyDeleteBullying can be such a complex issue, but often it all stems from some common factors. Parental involvement can help sooooooo many issues, including bullying. I do have to admit, your comments about whacking the kid with your lunchbox [I did the exact same thing on my school bus to a kid who was bullying my little brother! LOL] brought to mind how we helped our now 26 y.o. son when he was a 12 y.o. victim of bullying at church of all places. Two slightly older boys kept pestering and bullying, and Matt would cry all the way home from church each week. We finally had had enough, and when things didn't change after trying to reason with the parents, we gave Matt the directive to punch either of the boys directly in the nose--enough to make it hurt and bleed, and make them cry involuntarily. We also told him that if he did that he would be grounded....from 1 a.m. to 4 a.m. each day for 2 weeks. LOL When he told these bullies he had his dad's permission to punch them, they backed right off. Problem solved...
ReplyDeleteWhile I agree that there is freedom of speech, I also think that such speech directed at an individual is abuse. And that as such it should be prosecuted.
ReplyDeleteShould the mother of the fallen child been more proactive. I'm sure that she wishes that she was. I'm sure that she feels every moment of the day that she had not only moved her child but removed the phone that allowed the abuse to continue.
It doesn't surprise me that one of the sets of parents are saying that their little angel is innocent. Because we live in a society with no concept of personal responsibility. Her computer was hacked and she is really the reincarnation of Cinderella taking care of all of the little children everywhere.
So should there be charges? I think so, not murder/manslaughter, but abuse charges against the girls. Charges against the parents? Yes, I think so. Failure to supervise, neglect...you get the idea. Make them take responsibility for their actions. Make their conduct have consequences.
I am a part of an anti-bullying organization and cyberbulling is just as bad as other types of bullying because something online can stay there forever.
ReplyDeleteI do believe the parents are to blame as well but "free speech" stops when it hurts others. A child has the right to go to school and NOT be afraid. No one has the "right" to verbally abuse another person. Your words have consequences.
Your children are very sheltered, but "bullycide" is very real and it is increasing. Florida has antibullying laws that are not enforced. And since this happened in my area, I've heard enough. It breaks my heart. She did leave a text message to a friend who didn't know he should have told someone.
A child had her spirit and heart broken. Not all suicide victims leave notes though.
Incidentally the mother of one of the bullies was just arrested for beating a 10yo (not her child).
I do not think the girls should go to jail but they definitely need mental counseling.
I would not put my kids back in private school. There are plenty of Christian bullies in private school. My son loves his school and my daughter was so much happier going to public school.
I think that cyber bulling is no different than any other kind AND you can stay away from it. Like I said I've had some awful things said about me, I block folks, I do go to sites etc... It's not like anyone has to go look for things. I could have all kinds of hurt feelings if I went and read things about me that ppl have written that is mean.
DeleteMy kids are sooooooooo not sheltered. In fact they probably see more of the "real world" than most kids. Whether a kid is in private school or not, they still have to deal with bullies. Steve did deal quite well with one. And that is not the only time but the point is, kids need to learn how to deal with bullies. we can't protect them forever. When they go to work, they will have to deal with bullies.... You can make enough laws to MAKE people be nice....AND there are ramifications with laws like that that make me very uncomfortable.
We as a society probably need to teach kids how to deal with bullys....how to personally deal with them, and how to stay away from cyber bullies CAUSE they can NOT hurt you if you stay away from them and that can be done. You are talking to someone who stays away from negative folks!!!!!! so you can't tell me that it can not be done. the girl chose to see things by not blocking or remaining "friends" with someone.... if she changed her cell # and didn't give it out to others that were involved....no one could send her nasty texts.....I don't understand WHY ppl do not see what I'm saying.
I feel sorry for her, but I just believe strongly there were many other things wrong in her life......