What is that to you?

I've got so much to share tonight....

 

 

What a beautiful day up here!!!  As you can see Selah got to go outside.  She did great!  Her blood pressure and heart rate stayed perfect. 

In therapy she actually pulled her hand AWAY from the therapist.  The therapist said that shows that both sides of her brain is working.  She did good and then showed her displeasure when the therapist worked with her legs, by frowning up and crying.  It's so good to see her show emotions!

Then a couple of hours later, we got to take her outside!  It was quite the production since this was her first time but she did perfect!  It is in the 80's up here today, we had to go into our suitcases and get out our summer clothes LOL   Before we took the pictures she had been sitting up much nicer but she was getting tired. 

All morning long she was moving her head (which is the MOST she has done) then when we were leaving for supper, I turned on her DVD player and she moved her head all the way over to watch it!!  To say we are thrilled is not strong enough!  We are thanking God!!!!

The Fish Oil study hasn't even started yet, the paperwork is all being processed.  I just can not imagine what she will do when she starts that!!!!

Well we can add St Joe's to the list of hospitals that has turned her down...their reason she didn't need their level of care LOLOL, so LRMC says she is too serious and St Joe's says she isn't serious enough.....  But I will say they are working with us to find a rehab to work with Selah and has helped our social worker here.  We are looking into a rehab in Jacksonville Fl.  If they accept her, life will get very complicated for us but maybe that is the path we need to go.  The website looks great, but we don't know if they will accept her or if/when they will have an opening.  She may be to the point that a rehab will take her since we've since some good changes in just the last few weeks.

Our poor doctor, at first I thought he meant a nursing home....let's just say I was not happy but then I checked it on line as we were talking and felt better almost excited about it!  It will be quite a challenge for our family if that is where she ends up going but if she can get rehab, it will be the best for her.  Of course, I'm already trying to figure out just how it will work, and let's just say we will need God's help big time.  We try and stay together as a family as much as possible and obviously someone will have to stay with her there and we only have one good van...we dont' know if there is a RMH or what we'd do for a place to stay....it's a good thing I know God will take care of us! 

We saw our original doctor today, Dr V has been through the whole thing with us.  He hadn't seen her since last week and he could see improvement and coming from him....that is saying a lot!!!!!!

Tonight after supper Shad and I came back to the hospital.  Selah was sleeping but I wiped her mouth out and she got mad and jerked her head away.  I think she scared both of us!  Then she SWALLOWED!!!!   YES!  Shad and I both saw it!  We grabbed each other's hands and hugged!!  It was like she won the gold medal!  Her night nurse said that Selah  moved away from her last night!

CONSISTENCY is what we are seeing thank God!

My heart is so thankful, there have been many many long nights I've sat in this hospital room or the PICU and just hung onto God's hand...  we were given no hope at all...nothing...and now to see these responses...and they are consistent ....and each day we are seeing new things....you have NO idea how I feel right now.

I've said through all of this that God is good, regardless of what happens...and He is!  Even if this is as far as she goes, He is still a good God.  More than anything I am thankful for God's presence during all of this.  He has under girded us, He has been our Strength.  I am so thankful that He has helped me to stay focused on Him and to not look around, and to not get bitter in my heart.  (for me that is the biggest miracle!)  

Let me tell you a couple of stories....

There was a family I've met here who had a child with a serious brain injury.  I do not think they would consider themselves a christian family.  Their child came in and they were given dire news.  However the child recovered in a couple of weeks enough to go to a rehab and then to be released to go home.  When we spoke to them, we were happy for them.  We both said "thank God" the parents did not acknowledge God in any way shape or form.  Now this all happened since we've been here...they seemed to get a miracle....   I have to be honest I was afraid I'd get bitter about that but God protected my heart.  Please know I am glad the child recovered so quickly! 

The other story is a minister's family who's child had a serious brain injury a couple of years ago.  They shared their story with us a couple of times basically telling us how we should pray or react to our situation.  Their son also recovered .....  Again I am glad for that the child recovered... although I got quite annoyed with the family!

So....where does that leave us?  One family did not acknowledge God and yet their child recovered.  The other family "spoke life and bombarded heaven and stood on & claimed God's promises"  and their child recovered.   We aren't in either catorgry!  We thank God for everything and acknowledge Him but we also aren't "word of faith" and we don't demand from God. 

Two things come to mind...one is the verse "it rains on the just and the unjust"  that was talking about rain which back in the bible times was a GOOD thing.  So what Jesus was saying is good happens on the just and the unjust.  Case in point....

The other Scripture is in John 21:15 -25 is where Jesus asks Peter three times if he loves him.  Then Jesus seems to tell Peter how he will die.  Then Peter asks Jesus about John and Jesus tells him "If I want him to remain alive until I come, what is that to you?  You must follow me!   My favorite part is What is that to You?  You must follow me!

So what do I gleam from that? I can't look at someone else's journey.  I need to keep MY eyes on Jesus!  Not what happens to you, good or bad.  What's that to me?

Several times I've said I don't really want to hear any stories good or bad to do with brain injuries.  Some have though it's because I haven't accepted what has happened to Selah but that's not it.   When we lost the twins, we entered into several "clubs"  We actually went to ONE group meeting for families who lost babies in utero...ONE and that was enough for me!   Since we had Sam we entered into several more exclusive clubs.  The first one was the blind club, not just anyone can get it.  Then we entered the blind and mentally delayed club.  Then we started adopting and then it was new clubs.....  When we were adopting the girls I was in several adoption groups that just got silly!  I was so tired of all the whining and belly aching and DRAMA..as soon as we got home I took myself happily out of all the groups.  I've found in all areas that each situation is different.  I don't necessarily need to hear your story in all it's nitty grittyness.  And you may not need to hear mine either LOL  So why do I blog then?  I blog for me:)  If you want to read it you are welcomed to do that!  If not.....that's ok too!  There are times to share with others and times to have folks share with you BUT for me walking through it, I've not sought out much and the the ones I have sought out was because I wanted some medical advice or to see if what our doctors were doing/saying went along with their expirence.  Personally I don't want to know everything that lies ahead...good or bad.  I really really learned it in the adoption world.  There were some people who went to Ukraine before me, and it sounded like a different country than the one I went to!  I'm glad I didn't follow some of their advice LOLOL!  Our journey is just that OUR journey!

Back to my point....we talked with two different families, same outcome, one honored God (and annoyed me) and one did not ....  I feel God is telling me "what is it to you?  Follow me!"  So I don't need to look at the sucesses or wonder why they had sucess...I'm not to look at the failures....I am to walk m own journey out and follow Christ! 

Honestly I wouldn't trade our journey for anyone else's even if doesn't end up perfectly.  Having sensed the presence and nearness of God like I have the last 11 weeks has been priceless.  I wouldn't wish our pain on anyone else either!   Maybe that sounds absolutely beyond crazy, and I can't reall explain it but to say "If I could still I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now"  I'm not stupid, of course I don't delight in my childs' suffering, that is not what I mean at all.   But God has been such a faithful and near God.  The bible says He is near to the broken hearted...and I can testify to that! 

So my advice to you, don't look at others, dont' envy their path or journey.  Serve God in the journey He has for YOU!  Trust Him even if the path is dark.  Even if you don't get the miracle you want.  Let Him be the one who comforts your heart!

During this time I have HATED to talk on the phone.  For the first month or so, I didn't even want it with me.  It was too much of an effort to try and explain anything to anyone.  It got to be almsot a phobia with me, like it stole my peace from me.  But it was NOT a bad thing, I didn't turn to anyone but to Jesus to get me through.  It didn't bother me to post on line things cause I didn't have to read responses if I didn't want to and no one knew LOL.  Please don't get me wrong, I appreciate everyone but I just had to turn to God, not to friends or family.  We had the same thing happen while we were in Ukraine.  There we couldn't talk to anyone back home about any of the decisions we were making and really it was good.  Sometime you just need to hear from God and not others.  So let me encourage you to look to God for answers for your journey, no one else can help ou like He can!  I know I can't I can barely help myself!  But look to God, He may not have the easiest path for you to follow...but follow Him.  You will find it WILL be the easiest path, no matter where it leads you IF you are trusting in Him. 

In years past I'd looked at other's with envy. wishing my journey was a different journey BUT I learned to be content in the path that God has me on and I can not tell you what a difference that has made in my life!  It can do the same for you also.  Please know I'm writing from the premisis that my reader is a christian, if you are not then you need to repent and ask Jesus to forgive you and then start walking with Him in fellowship.  If you are a christian and you are living in sin, you also need to repent.  I'm not sharing some kind of "new age" junk that we all have differnt paths to God!  Jesus is the only way to God.   But if you are a believer and you are always wishing for a differnt life, stop that!  Be thankful for the one you have and trust God in it!  Don't look to others, look to Jesus!  Then embrace the life He has given you!  It will become "your best life ever" if you just walk with Him.  Now I am NOT promising you it will become an easy path but it will be a path you'll walk with ease!
God knows I would have just died years ago if I had known the path that was set before me to walk!!!!!!!!!!   And I would have never ever thought it would have been a great life but I can honestly, from the bottom of my heart, tell you I am content with my life. 

So when you look at others, remember Jesus said "what is that to you?  Follow me!"  Don't look at other's wealth, fame, posititon ....plus you don't know what they had to fight to get where they are at!  You might not want their battles!  Quit looking at others and look to Christ!  Let Him be the example you cling to for whatever you face!  

I do believe this will preach LOLOL!!!

Alright good night all!  Shad has fallen asleep, then he fell out of the chair and started sleepwalking out into the hospital corridar, I had to go follow him.  I was cracking up, he woke up and now is back asleep in his chair.  I think it's time to take him back to the RMH so he can go to bed!

Please continue to ask God to touch Selah and heal her brain!  We are so thankful for how far she has come but she still has a long way to go for a full recovery.  Thank you for your prayers!!!!