Sunday Sept 2

(pictures~ top one is the of the boys today at church Shad, Sam and Steve
middle one is Sam inside the beautiful church
bottom one is Jon holding Sarah at the back of the church. )


Today Selah has not had any fever. She has an elevated heart rate and blood pressure now but it's been in a more normal range most of the day. If this continues she will be able to have surgery this week for the trach and feeding tube. So physically she is doing good, neurologically no change. She has not responded in any way to us yesterday or today. It is so hard. Really holding on to the Lord right now. I'm feeling sad and overwhelmed by the future.

As you can imagine I get many messages from various people....I know most people mean well but for me, stories of others recovery from somewhat the same type of situation doesn't encourage me. Every situation is so different and generally not at all the same medically. Brain injuries from car accidents or blunt trauma are very very different than near drowning in a medical sense.

Also just so you all will understand where I am theologically...I trust God. Bottom line, I am trusting God, not having a fight with the devil. God is in control of my child's life, not the devil. God has the final word. I do not believe the Bible teaches us to demand things of God. I do continuously ask God to heal Selah. I go to sleep praying and wake up and those are my first and last thoughts of the day,as well as throughout the whole day. I cry out to God for mercy. My hope is that I will be like the widow who bothered the unjust judge so much that he granted her request, and I ask of you to bring Selah's need to God in prayer. But remember the widow asked the judge she did not demand him to do what she wanted/needed. Read Luke ch 18 Jesus says if an unjust judge would respond how much more would God hear us if we cry out to him day and night.

I've seen alot over the years and I have always tried to keep things in balance theologically. To be honest, I have wondered what I would do if faced with a really hard situation. When Sam was born, we did pray for him, but we also accepted him just like he was/is. We saw him as being made in the likeness of God and having a purpose. Yes there were tears but we were able to move on and just be thankful for his sweet life. Sure we prayed for him and even took him places for prayer but there came a time, when we just accepted things. I think of Paul and his "thorn in the flesh". He asked God 3x to deliver him from it. When God did not , he just accepted it. No one knows what the thorn was and it has been the point of many discussions over the years in theological circles...but it seems to have been physical....

Well now I am in a valley that is deeper than anything I've known before... God has given us a peace and an assurance He is with us. How can I demand things of the God who has been with me all the way? As a parent, I would be horrified if my kids demand things of us, even if it were something I was going to give them, if they demanded it, I can tell you, my kids wouldn't be getting it! Now of course God sees our hearts and knows our heart's desires and He is faithful. He understands our fears and concerns. But I think we can be disrespectful to God if we are not careful. In Job 2 Job says to his wife who was blaming God "you speak as a foolish women, shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Most people just want God's blessings and favor in their lives. They don't want to think there will be hard times. Often when the hard times come, they get bitter and turn their back on God because they looked at Him as their good luck charm. When that charm didn't perform for them, they didn't want to serve God anymore. How many times have I heard that...I've even said it at one point in my life.

Oh but trouble can draw your heart to God. It can draw your heart to eternity. Why do you think we have hymns that are so deep? Back a hundred years ago or more, life was hard for all. Children died often, people died young and suffered much... Today we are so blessed and want to live forever on this earth since things are so good. Nowadays we have medicine and air conditioning, nice cars and houses...things are so good we don't need to think about heaven very much.

Unfortunately life is life and none of us get out of it alive! None of us get out of it without heartache and trouble. Some of us seem to have more trouble than others. but we have to remember that this present suffering is NOTHING in comparison to the glory lies ahead. So when our hearts break, we have to remember this is not the end of the story. Thank God!


Today has not been a good day for me to be quite honest. I feel very weak and overwhelmed. There is an almost physical heaviness in my chest. I want to go back to my nice normal life. I want this nightmare over, I want to be home with all five of my kids and be doing all the things that we should be doing right now. I want Selah to get up and be back. Some have prayed that she'd be healed even of the disability she had previous to this...I really don't care about that...we chose her just like she was and I was quite happy with who she was, not sure I want another kid! I just want my Selah back!!!!! I can't change a thing...all I can do is lean on the everlasting Arms. And that is what I'm doing tonight. I'm not screaming at the God of this universe, I'm not claiming some falsely believed promise, I'm just trusting that God is aware of our lowly estate.

I do believe God sent me a word through the lady I met in the mall some months ago...and He said that my family was going to go through something really big and to NOT be afraid. She didn't share anything but that with me. No hocus pocus Christian voodoo just a simple word that my spirit recognize was real even then. Of course, I put my own spin on it in my little bitty mind. I thought it meant we were going to be able to go back and get the three kids we felt drawn to at the orphanage in Ukraine. I even thought "how silly, I'm not afraid" Well...now I'm sure that the message was for this (Lord I hope it was this and there is nothing else ahead for us right now!!!!!!!) So I cling to the "do not be afraid" It was not given in a self righteous tone like God was warning me not to be afraid or I'd be in trouble. But rather it was shared in a comforting way, so that is how I'm trusting in it. She didn't say God was going to miraculously deliver us from something or even give us a miracle but rather just for me not to be afraid. So when the thought of what lies ahead, overwhelms my heart and mind, I remember "do not be afraid"]

So please pray for Selah, pray for us. We are under alot of stress in many ways. It is hard to be away from home but people have been extremely gracious. I've said before we are living in a "bubble of Grace" it is also a bubble that somewhat shields us from tomorrow, I can't think much more than a day or so ahead. When I think of surgery, recovery, relocating Selah to Florida, having to redo our house, all the changes...I just have to go back to this day and live it. I'm normally a planner but not at this point in my life. It's a strange reaction for me to have but maybe that is all I can deal with right now. Thank you again and again for your prayers. Keep Selah before the throne of God for us. Hold us up please. thank you

We went to church and to our good friends' house for lunch. We were going to ride by the Sodus Point Lighthouse but got lost:) I never get lost and have about 3x today! So we will to a Wegmans Supermarket...OH MY GOSH! I was completely overwhelmed....LOL Now I am a Publix girl all the way but Wegmans is quite the shopping experience. It even had candy from Ukraine in it! I have to say in comparison, Publix stores are much larger and easier to find stuff in, Wegmans was large but the aisle were just too small and cramped but there was so much stuff! Geez! And the store was crowded like a hurricane was coming LOL.